Title: The Ex-Problem
Warning: Implied torture and death, Vortex, and something Vortex insists is fluff.
Summary: Even monsters have friends. And this monster doesn't like what you did to his friend. POV one-shot, flash fic.
A/N: Based on Swindle and Smokescreen's background story from autobotdress. The short version goes: Swindle and Smokey were an item in the early days of the war. Smokescreen dumps Swindle and joins the Autobots, Swindle mopes for a few centuries, Vortex plots revenge. This is what might have happened if Vortex had managed to catch up to Smokescreen before they wound up in the box.
Ah! I’m so glad I caught you before you left. See, I’ve just been dyin’ to get to have this little conversation with you for a while now. Mind stickin’ around for a bit?
Ha, yeah, horrible pun. That’s what makes it so fun, y’see.
Well now, there’s no need to be rude. Who am I, you ask? That’s almost insultin’, y’know. You and him were together so long, dontcha think you shoulda got to know his teammates? Shows a lack of interest in his life, if y’know what I mean.
Me, I’m Vortex. Don’t need to introduce yourself, I know exactly who you are. You’re the reason my buddy’s off mopin’ and pretending that he ain’t. Nah, mopin’ ain’t exactly the right word. He’s so fraggin’ hung up on you that it’s interferin’ with his work, and there’s only so much I can cover for. Sooner or later Onslaught’s gonna notice, and then, well...
He was supposed to be here tonight, actually. But after what happened last time, I let him stay behind. Ain’t like this was a whatcha call a tough mission, and now that I’ve caught up with you, I’m glad that he ain’t around. He seems to still be laborin’ under the delusion that there’s anything about you worth keepin’ alive.
I, of course, have a more, howsit, objective view of the situation. I see how much of a worthless pile of Autotrash you are.
Don’t interrupt, it’s rude.
Well, of course he wouldn’t want you dead! Why’d you think I’m so happy he’s not around right now? I told you that his opinion of the situation’s all compromised. But this is for his own good, y’know.
Oh, don’t be like that. See? This is just more proof that you were just usin’ him this whole time. If you really cared for him, you would want to do what’s best for him.
Doesn’t include you dyin’? Sure it does! If you’re not around anymore, you won’t be able to hurt him. And then he’ll start recoverin’, never knowin’ nothing about this little conversation. But if I were for some reason to let you live, sooner or later you’re gonna find it convenient to come back and use him again, and we’re back to the pathetic snivelling mess we got right now. And since I do care for him for some reason, I’m gonna cut out all possibility of that right now, startin’ with your fuel pump and movin’ on from there. The part where it hurts more than it technically needs to, well, that’s just a little something extra in compensation for me.
What, you gonna pull that “I lied, I still do love him!” line now? Ha! That’s funny! Did you really think that I’d fall for that con? I ain’t as gullible as he is. Kinda strange, thinkin’ of him as gullible, but I guess we all got our blind spots. Like you, for instance. Suppose you didn’t consider the idea that maybe he had a few people who wouldn’t like what you were doin’ to him, did you? Yeah, most don’t think people like us can have friends. It’s just a bad day of revelations for you, isn’t it?
Oh, stop whining. I’ve hardly touched you. Look, it’s hardly bleedin’ at all. Don’t worry, when I get to the important parts, you’ll feel the difference.